First Tournament Win – First Final – First “oh god I’m nervous” moment!

I’ve been wanting to post this all week, but didn’t know if I’d feel comfortable vocalizing all my stupid internal thoughts. Then today as I’m leaving work, I figured screw it, maybe there are other players out there like me, maybe not but what the hell… so here goes!

So I just won my first tournament on Saturday – WOOHOO!! I really didn’t expect to do well or go very far, but somehow I was just playing really good. No worries. Kinda like I was just going with the moment and the shots that came my way and whatever happens, I’ll deal with it. If I had the out, I went for it. I played the right safes and went for the high % outs. I was in this weird pool zen state. So I eventually won my division and had to return the following day for the overall winner’s round. First time I ever came in 1st! I was so crazy excited!

WOW! Somehow I won all my matches on the second day too!!! What the hell was going on??? And somehow I made it to the finals!! (Hell had officially frozen over!) I’d never gotten through a tournament undefeated. I had people coming up and congratulating me and I was like, “who me? um, …. ” like I didn’t belong there. I really felt like the whole thing was fluke. It felt so surreal! Then the finals came! Throughout the whole match I just wasn’t nervous. I couldn’t believe how calm and peaceful I felt. It got to hill-hill and the guy missed the 6 ball! WOW! I couldn’t believe I was gonna win the whole thing.

Then EVERYTHING changed. My hands were shaking, my mind was mush, the music was quiet, the crowd got bigger (all in my head of course) and everything positive and powerful that I had been relying on all tournament long to help me win, well, died!

Literally there were 3 balls on the table…6/8/9. And it was a easy layout. But I couldn’t stop shaking and I couldn’t concentrate. I made the 6 ball somehow … oh yeah, that’s b/c it was literally in the side pocket. But the 8-ball .. LOL … the 8-ball after 3 times of getting up and getting back in position and laughing at myself for being so scared and the crowd laughing at me for laughing at myself …. I missed the 8-ball by a full diamond, maybe more!! I failed every fundamental, mechanical rules about stance, stoke and stillness. I lunged, I steered, I swerve, I think I may have landed on the other side of the table I jumped up so much!! The cue-ball, to make matters worse scratched in the side pocket thus increasing my state of “oh god no!”

So I lost. And for the next 48 hours, I could think of nothing but the 8-ball and my mind failing me in my time of need. Why can’t I see what I accomplished? I know it’s a normal to remember the bad, and all that stuff, but I just worry I’ll never be there again and I let my one chance pass me by.

Ok, whew, I guess I feel better.


~ by g2 on July 16, 2008.

One Response to “First Tournament Win – First Final – First “oh god I’m nervous” moment!”

  1. […] Ask and I shall deliver– Tri-State Invitational – First Tournament Win – First Final – First “oh god I’m nervous” momen… […]

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