Friendship Code




I dont get depressed or sad too often. I’m pretty happy-go-lucky most of the time, but I’ve been through a bit a of disheartening spell recently. Feeling pretty betrayed, angry, sad what have you and since I’m unable to remove this blue feeling, I’ve decided to poll the masses in hopes of gaining other perspectives on the situation.

There’s a thing called friendship code, you know, unspoken guidelines friends take on. I googled the phrase and found this whole assortment of rules that friends should live by:

– If you find out their boyfriend is cheating – you tell them
– If they just broke up with their boy/girlfriend, your plans are now to be there for them through it
– If they are trying on stripes and it makes them look fat – you tell them the truth
– If they knock on your door & need a place to stay, your couch is their new residence
– You don’t forget your friends just because you’re now “involved” with a new significant other (I’ve learned this one the hard way)
– You defend them if they are being bashed and stand up for them if they are being abused

In my search, the “don’t date exs” was the most common and passionate rule of them all. It was the first on everyone’s list, the most talked about and agreed upon.

Now my highlighting the last “code of freindship ethics” may help zero in on why I’m in such disarray. You know, I guess my whole life I’ve gifted or “imposed,” however you choose to see it, my higher standards of friendship on my friends and expected that same level of respect and loyalty to be reciprocated. It’s not to be demanding, but more of the belief that people should be capable of trusting their friends and expecting them to not screw you over.

After it all happened, my “friend” said:

“I don’t want to hurt you anymore than I apperantly already have so I will completly stop talking and hanging out with him if that’s what you want so don’t worry.”

A month later, I find out they are still screwing – from a-hole ex:
“V and I have a BLAST together. We have fun, she’s hot, I’m hot, we’re hot together and so naturally, we’re going to sleep together.”

Whew … I’m sure glad I wasn’t worrying …. thanks V. Glad I could count on you!

I dated this guy for 5 1/2 years….doesn’t that brand him with an “off-limits” sign for my friends no matter what my current situation is? It’s not about moving on, it’s about cherishing a time and memories in my life and having them all contaminated by betrayal. My ex and my good friend of 10 YEARS!. It was pure agony to hear her say they’d gone out but when she said they’d already slept together … it broke me. The images are tough to stomach. When did people stop being guided by a moral compass? Shouldn’t a friend be treated with more respect than a common stranger? What happened to respecting your friends and acts of human decency?

And so I’ve been sick with sadness for weeks trying to come to terms with it all and while therapy seems the textbook solution to my dilehma and Tony & my friends are true comforts, a bottle of wine and a blog and some verbal venting are much cheaper and less time consuming …


~ by g2 on October 19, 2008.

2 Responses to “Friendship Code”

  1. Wow!!! Your code of friendship ethics is totally right!! I don’t think its ok for a good friend of you to sleep with your ex of 5 1/2, ok if it was a guy that you dated for a month or two… but not nice at all…

  2. Will you are AMAZING!!! I can’t believe you did all this!!

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