Bitch Slapped by a Donut

simpsons_donuts-l1  So yeah, dude, tourney was a total waste of my time.  Got there and there were all these "pros"  — psssh, whatever! 

I drew this girl, Spider Monica or something and whatever, she played A-ight … totally got lucky to hand me a big phat ZERO on the bead count. 

Fine, even blind squirrels find a nut every now and then so cheers to the search’s conclusion!  woohoo! … What does "Pro" really mean anyway, I mean com’n … 9-ball’s skill level is about as big as my 401K these days…. 

And please if you’re taking any of this seriously … feel free to take a long walk down a short plank…

And, can do me a solid, and take me with you?  — LOL

Ok, now, Bristol was, WOW, a totally new level.  I think my knees started shakin’ the moment I locked eyes with, oh, I don’t know, Alison, Gerda, Monica <Grrr>, Kelly, Ewa … shall I continue??  And then the draw hits and my name is oh so cozy with the lovely little pixie, Ms. Monica Webb….

(initiate nervous laughter!! — hehehehe eh hee eh hee eh …oh)

Actually, I was tickled pink as I’ve never played her before, don’t think I’ve even met her and was geared up to start.  No nerves, more excited.  That is until the lag.  I some how squeaked out a win in the lag department (woohoo, I beat her at something!!) and that was the high point of my skill level in the match! 

donut_mishapI played completely scared!  A nervous wreck!  Every ball looked soooo hard!  Borana watched my match and at 5-0 (after I dogged 3 racks I would normally get out on, but BTW, this match is #3 on the WPBA Monica Webb  vs. CHOKE-MASTER-G if you please) I took a break and Borana says,

"Gail, you aren’t committing to your shots.  I see it in your eyes, you’re doubting yourself all the time.  Get your plan, believe in it and don’t look back." 

Well, now that I’m ready to tear this shit UP! 

Unfortunately for me, oh, yeah, it’s Monica Webb.  The only tearing up I did was in the kicking department as that was all I saw the rest of the set.  LOL….It was a beautiful lesson in humility.  

1073350908_turesDonutMy next match, I played actually really really well. I was confident, had a break and run, was totally in stroke, running out, well, except on the 7-ball.  I gave my opponent 4, not 1, or 2, or 3, but 4, ball in hands with the 7 ball, or less after running the first 5 to 6 balls.  I did all the heavy lifting and let her move the lightest of beads over for her score!  Yipee! 

Am I disappointed?  Sure!  But would I do anything different  NO! (ok maybe I could have a few woofs back!)  I learned soooo many great lessons about myself, about traveling, about competition and about my friends. 

The best pool moment for me was during Emily’s match against Liz Lovely.  Now, of course, I’m pullin’ for my girl Em (even more so b/c the lovely Liz bounced Olgalini to the B-Side 1st round of the tourney), but man-o-man, I gotta send some MAJOR prop-age to the ridiculous talents of Miss Lovely. 

This girl played so freakin’ fearless, had a stroke that just looked born to do this and never once doubted herself, even in the face of mistakes.  I even spoke to Emily about it and she too could do nothing but sing the girl’s praises.  The rack that she got out on to go ahead 5-4 was a true testament to all that I do not possess in this game and what I will now aspire to grow…. 

–Unwavering Confidence– 



We simply had a great time. Got to meet a lot of new people, commentated with Sarah Rousey for a bit who is not the Grumpy Munchkin at all!  Very nice, informative and knowledgeable. 

Melissa Herndon was a doll and for the record, she doesn’t drink wine but enjoys a vodka tonic.

Julie Kelly is HILARIOUS!  Ask her about the prosthetic hand/big watch- sharking move….OMG, ROTFL.

We had alot of KOD supporters out there and in the live chat streaming which was such a complement!  I was surprised by the number of people following the team that know who we are.  I find it premature but drag my feet and ride the wave. Surfs up dude!

I can’t say enough about Borderline Billiards and Janet Atwell who did a FANTASTIC job hosting the stop and providing us with an event that rivaled the classiest of tournaments. 

My girls gave me a serious therapy session on the art of not giving a crap.  New motto:

It’s a big shame what you put yourself through   …   you’re jealous of me and I don’t give a damn about you!

LOL — yeah, that doesn’t sound like me, but I’m trying! 

Grrrrrrrr..I’m mean.

All in all, I am so happy I went and will definitely do it again!  It was scary to throw myself out there like that and I got my ass handed to me, but you know what, I guess that’s the rite of passage everyone must go through.  All those girls that played there have had it happen to them, all of them had to pay their dues and eat crow for a bit and so chew I do.  Chew, Chew Chew. 

My mom and I were talking this morning and she was asking about it all and she said, "Gail, you lead such an interesting life!  I’m living my life vicariously through you my Angel!"

Well, I don’t know that I would take it THAT far, but I do feel rather blessed. 


Gail Glaze-Donut


~ by g2 on July 14, 2009.

9 Responses to “Bitch Slapped by a Donut”

  1. Dear G G-D,
    I still love you.

  2. p.s. You’re a friggin’ riot!!!

  3. Lol… You’ll always be my little skinny pool player no matter how many Jelly donuts you eat….

  4. My lovely captain!

    I love this post girl. You definitely captured the spirit of our trip well and your commentary on a few of our experiences is priceless. Not to mention your clipart is perfect!

    Thanks for everything this weekend. I will never forget it. Remember your other lesson, it is great to give…but you also must be able to recieve. You’re a beautiful person to be around and thank you for all your support!

    Love u baby!

  5. Haha… I love this one!! I love the donut picture of us !!!

    P.S. Everyone starts out as a donut 🙂

  6. Just want you to know that I am so proud you girls for going… takes guts! Wish I could have been there, but there will definitely be more trips!

    See you guys soon! xo

  7. I like Boston creme ….& Honey “Glazed” get it ….hhehehe…its all good Capt.! Everything with due time!!! I can’t wait til you ladies are all on ESPN !!!!

  8. I just wish there were more people like you out there. Admit the fact that they got drilled and appreciate the beauty of this sport.
    I love you as a friend and I know you will make it 🙂

  9. Glad you liked the donut magnets…saw them, and immediately thought of your love of donuts. (the tasty kind, not the score kind) The pink-iced one looks like the pic of you & Borana!! lol Sorry I missed you when I was in NYC…

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