Player Layers

tr teaching 

Truly indeed we make people out to be what we want them to be….

This quote by Willy has many layers.  Like an Onion, or Cake – Parfait! 

I have donkey moments but what I’m discovering is that so does EVERYONE at times, at their job, at the table, with their family & friends.  The EE-AWW moments affect us all at some point.  It’s how we perceive these moments, rather than the actual moment, that impact their effect on us and determine their recurrence rate.  Dwell or Release?  Dwell or Release? 

My dad always says, diagnosis is 90% of the battle. 

I been looking in that mirror I so often talk about a bit and investigating my own layers. 

Seeing past the epidermis smile .. into my subconscious pile.

"The problem for most of us is that we know something has to change for our lives to improve, but we want the change to be in other people or other things, and not in ourselves!"

So either of my own free will, or because of the lack of escape routes in a car to Bristol, or because of a friendly phone call from a pretty pro about haters, maybe even a little pep talk from one of the more <ahem>"distinct" voices in ABC <cough, Gina, cough>, or perhaps from the comforts of my own home from the man I love — I’m seeing more and more the error of my ways.  The onslaught of verbal redirecting from my friends and perhaps because I just don’t have the energy to seethe anymore, I now see how careless I’ve been with my own heart.

The internal conflicts I’ve felt between wondering the whys, asking the whens, devising a solution and determining how I can change people have consumed me.  The problem is not the world around me.

I’m the problem. My heart armor is weak and needs more layers. Thicker skin.  Deeper tissue to protect the core.  

It’s how we perceive these moments, that impact their effect on us and determine their recurrence rate…..

Release–

Change your perspective on "people and things" and thus change has happened…" Willy

Core problem … My standards for certain people are just too high.

Stop trying to force people to be nice…it’s just too daunting.  Instead training myself to not care for them is way easier.  Simply change my perspective. 

It’s exhausting, let me tell you, believing in the unbelievable!

I don’t think enough credit is given to the emotional workouts of life.  Controlling your emotions not only allows you to better concentrate on the tasks at hand, but it also allows you to increase your endurance for said task.light-bulb-716935   

(I know, this is no great discovery on my part as many doctors, psycho docs and gym Nazis note this obvious fact  – (thy name is emotional management), but it’s my blog, and I’m finally seeing the light so let me have my breakthrough moment if you please!)  

 

"Remember for every second you spend listening to someone that doesn’t matter, you miss a second of someone that does.  And you can’t ever get that second back."  — Jen Barretta

TR is really into martial arts, Asian flicks, etc.  We are currently watching the Dragonball-Z series, which by the way is a cartoon and I didn’t know this till after the Play button was hit and he already had his hopes up! 

G-Baby hasn’t really done the cartoon thing since like, hmmm age 15. 

I think TR knew this so Silent he was of it’s animation                                —-sneaky bastard.   

goh What I find most inspiring about these shows is the emotional control each characters possesses.  Maintenance of an armor around their heart that allows no pain, no conflict, no doubt to enter their mind, even in the face of unbeatable odds, they hold true to their faith in themselves, their beliefs, their armor. 

Unwavering Confidence.  

TR says I remind him of Gohan – scared. doubtful. completely unaware of the strength that lies within me just waiting to be unleashed.

TR always sees more of me than I think I am.

delusion or low self illusion? 

An epiphany happened this weekend. The power to not feel sympathy.  For the first time EVER, I did not once feel guilt or sympathy for my opponent. 

  • –If she missed, I happily stood up for my turn.

  • –If I hooked her, I thought, "well touché for hooking me earlier!"

  • –And if I got a lucky roll, I thought, "It happens!!"  I didn’t think good, but I didn’t feel bad either.

dpadilla_bd_24So it’s a start.

I’ve fought feelings like these for years because I believed if I yearned for good to happen to me, this in turn would be bad things happening to my opponent – and it would make me a bad person, a selfish person ?!?!

oh so wrong.

It’s not selfish, it’s the game and given only one person can win, I will focus more on playing my own game, and ignoring the game of my opponent.  Other than taking notes on what they are currently struggling with, I’m working on feeling no emotion and letting out my:

"KAME – HAME – HA!"  🙂

I had more energy in this tournament than any other tourney before. I had no idea how much emotional energy I expelled on the people around, the guilt, the drama, the things that don’t matter.  This tourney was all business for me and me alone. 

"Your mind can only concentrate on one thing at a time.  If you are picturing something positive in your mind, it is impossible, at the same time, to picture something negative.   And, if you have a negative thought, you cannot, at the same time, think positively." 

— Lanny Bassham – Olympic Shooting Champion. 

It’s a work in progress but I believe there must be a happy medium to it all.  I can be a focused little GoHan on the table and it doesn’t make me a bad person. 

I don’t know that I’d have ever come to these empowering conclusions on my own, so I have to send some love to the people who’ve been a solid support system to me.  Each one, in their own way, showed me a mirror to my exposed heart and handed me a little piece of their own armor to add to my layers.  thank you.   

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~ by g2 on July 22, 2009.

2 Responses to “Player Layers”

  1. Hey Gail, How wonderful it is to find your inner peace and know how to control it? and How poweful is it to be aware of things happening around you and on the table? How greatful is it that we are doing what we are doing….and what we are able to do on that green surface? We are drawing wonderful lines and angles with the beautiful colorful balls. It is so fasinating…………..I always tell people that ” Pool is my santuary.” but at one point that I am getting mad and more stressful by not contronlling myself while playing? How good was that? My realization and awareness of my emotional roller coaster on my game, I decided to change…and release my negative energy in different way…so start snap my finger when I miss or make a mistake. Not twice……but just once!!! and guess what? that made me feel a lot better….
    I think instead of thinking about how bad it was, I redirect my mind to the table….like a magic….like “The wizard of Oz”
    I am glad that you are feeling your power. Just like TR sees you more that you know about yourself….always believe in yourself. I think….I know where exactly you are coming from….!
    I am proud of you, Gail…..for your breakthrough….!!!!

  2. Thank you Ji-Hyun that is very sweet of you to say! I don’t think it’s a perfect zone of peace yet….probably not even close, but at least I’ve diagnosed a problem…so happy to have met you! Cheers.

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