To Blog, Or Not to Blog

NaldoBDay09---01 Not sure what planets are aligned these days, but my blog seems to be getting loads of attention recently.  I get beautiful compliments from various people around the country who, for whatever reason, seem to enjoy reading what I find to be mostly verbal nonsense.

One guy from Texas messaged me on FB saying a friend had told him about my blog and said it had alot of useful information about pool….

…… I literally giggled to myself when reading this …

If you’re looking for deep pool knowledge, hmmm… you might be a tad lost … there are much more useful insights available on my blogroll down below – da pros and real tech experts, etc.

But I do try to be honest and more importantly, vulnerable with my feelings in the hope it reminds people that this game gets to everyone, tears everyone apart at some point and often gives alot of insight into who you really are as a person both on and off the green.

Maybe this is what the attraction is … vulnerable candor.

My girl Emily recently shared a quote that I found very fitting:

I’ve missed over 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times I’ve been trusted to take the game-winning shot . . . and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.  —Michael Jordan

When I read this quote on Monday, my pool emotions are pretty saturated with lament.  After multiple examples over the last 4 days of 9-ball’s garbage rules, my love of the game was on a crash course for the 4 letter word all athletes face many times in their career.

Q-U-I-T 

Course, this is a fleeting feeling that often arises out of pool torture and diminishes with pool nostalgia. 

Currently I’m struggling with an effective balance of work, pool and a life.  My job has been pretty demanding the last year and my game has suffered from it tremendously.  TR has felt the same perils of game failure due to his lack of practice in lieu of creating a business of himself. 

This past weekend, we both struggled in our matches and had any 3rd party watched either of us, we both behaved like children at the table — tantrums, throwing cues, banging tables, cursing.  I cringe at my own embarrassment to my sport and myself. 

As I laid in bed Sunday night, it’s as if the my brain was on crack … you know that feeling? When you have so much on your mind, it’s almost like you can feel the wheels in your head spinning in super speed mode.  Like your body and mind are moving faster than you’re asking it to…. it makes your head hurt and you want to slow down and find some Zen but you just can’t stop the machine?

I didn’t stop moving most of the weekend….I spent 24 full hours at ABC for the tourney and never really sat down for too long.  When we got home on Sunday at 11:30pm and I was setting my alarm for 7:30 the following morning for work, I realized…

I’m burning myself out. 

If, it’s not the tour, or TR’s league, or a friend needs me to help with their taxes, someone wants me to do their taxes, or someone wants my input on a website, "Gail, can you do this for me, Gail, this shouldn’t take long, but it’d be a big help if you could …., Gail, can you put me in touch with…., Gail what do you think of …..Gail, Gail, Gail … ahhhhh!

Oh, and make sure you go to work from 9-7 Mon-Fri too…..you know for that thing called a job, for that thing called a mortgage, for that other thing called security!

I love helping people and I don’t want to turn anyone away.  I don’t wanna let someone down. 

But perhaps I’m hurting my own chances for success by being so available to everyone, but myself.  Not making time to take my dog for that walk in the morning, and taking that bike ride I LOVE to take, and calling my grandma on a random night just to talk or making a quiet dinner at home with TR or having a weekend available to fly to Florida & see my family….these are the things that matter most. 

Pool means the world to me, but lately it’s been more of a job than a joy.  That is NOT a good sign. 

My labor of love is just kinda labor now and you gotta have heart to win.

No love = no heart = no win 

So TR and I have issued a binding agreement that under no circumstances will we play pool this weekend.  If a table is in sight, we are running for the hills!  

I think though I need to make this break from pool a bit longer than just the weekend, in hopes that that absence makes the heart grow fonder bit will take it’s course.

I’m not hungry for it right now – I’m doing all the motions, but I’m not in it to win it…My body is there but my mind and my heart are somewhere else far far away. 

I leave for Europe in three weeks on a nice 2 week long vaca with my family.  Some much needed R&R with some of the dearest people in the world to me.  Perhaps when I return, I’ll be feigning for the green cloth and blue chalk like I used to.   

Random709---01

NYC is a pretty crazy place and it’s easy to get lost in the hustle and bustle of subways, crowded streets, & sirens. 

……

These days I feel like Where’s Waldo.  I know I’m here someone, but find me, I search.

Maybe the peeps that most enjoy what I write are the one’s who find comfort in knowing they aren’t alone in feeling the trials and tribulations that are pool agony, pool love and pool life. 

Is that what blogging is all about, escape from solitude? 

I will admit, I began the whole blog thing for very selfish reasons — I wanted to get all the craziness in my head recorded in a organized, methodical way so I could possibly have some clarity in my thoughts as I read what I’d written days, weeks and months ago.  Typical accountant that I am, even my emotions need be rationalized and documented.  

But I’m enjoying the unexpected reward of maybe helping others laugh, cope and revel in the joy and/or contempt of being a pool player.  🙂

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~ by g2 on July 29, 2009.

9 Responses to “To Blog, Or Not to Blog”

  1. Breahte! You always need to make time for yourself and your passions first. You will lose yourself and eventually look back thinking “where did I lose myself”. Devote at least 30 mins. a day to YOU. And don’t be afraid to say “not today”…because there is always a tomorrow.

  2. Just read your blog & thought I’d send you a note. I guess one of the reasons so many people read it is because we’re experiencing a level or pool lifestyle vicariously through you. When you’re at a tourney, I feel that I’m pulling for you to do well because you’re doing things that so many of us CAN’T do for various reasons. Work, time, money, lack of skill. You may not realize it but you’re living the dream. It may not be where you aspire to get to but look at how far you’ve come. Nothing worth having comes easily.
    Enjoy your weekend. Enjoy your vacation. Reflect on your life & what’s important to you. Think about the highs you’ve experienced. Vegas with KOD. I’ve never been to Vegas. I got to experience it though your eyes & aspire to get there.
    You may need to learn how to be a little selfish & start saying “NO” to people.
    Anyway I feel what you do is important. I’m glad Samm put you on the radar.

  3. I wanted to tell you that you are loved only because you are a good person and care about your fellow man and woman. You are a rare breed..so don’t be too confused about weather there is more in life to do..ofcourse there is …………but don’t get too down about it. You are an up kind of girl….STAY COOL And enjoy life…..for it is not long enough (as apposed to being too short)

  4. and the time clock on this blog is wrong………
    it is currently 8:50 pm Thursday night

  5. Here it is…….I finally found it ……It is the earlisest form of blogging that which respects the game and it comes from a true champ of the game whom is still playing tournaments weekly ….and succeeding. HERE IT IS:

    My Feelings on Pool Tournaments.
    by Tommy Kennedy
    A statement I heard awhile back was a question posed to Earl Strickland. Basically it was about tournaments, and Strickland’s answer was somewhat like this. “Yeah, You should play all of the tournaments you can, it will definitely be the best thing you could do.

    Basically, he felt like I feel. I truly believe for a person to improve their game they should play all the events they can, and play 6-8 hours a day. This should make them better players. It’s hard, hard work but that’s what it takes to be a champion. You have got to have DISCIPLINE and DETERMINATION. And if you’re not willing to fail, then you should give up and play something easy like Solitaire. Pool just might be the toughest, most low paying sport out there, but you have got to love it to continue on.

    A statement that I will never forget was from Buddy Hall. I remember asking him why he was a better player than me, and what he said was this- “Tommy ,the reason I win more than you is because I hate to lose more than you” That is so true. So my advice to you is Play as much as you can and don’t give up.

    And remember Buddy Hall.

    Your’s In Christ.
    Tommy Kennedy U.S.Open Champion

  6. Thank you Gerard — those are solid words from a great player! I appreciate you taking the time to find that and posting it for me and everyone to read. Thanks again and take care. Hope to see you around soon!

  7. I love this Gail. Thanks for the pluga also lady. I’m glad we can inspire others, and each other, and clear our minds at the same time. It is more theraputic than I thought.

    Hope you have a great weekend relaxing and tell TR I say hi. TS and I did that very thing last weekend, expect for league on Sunday, and it was much needed. Love you girl!

  8. […] A refresher: CRUSHED & BURNING OUT entry of recent <-CLICK ME  […]

  9. Not sure how I stumble upon this, i’m not big on blogging or social networks.
    I’m one of those really bad FB buddies that never poke or respond or help in mafia wars lol. But after reading your post I felt the need to type. Your ability to put in words of how you felt was very honest and open and it almost mirrors my own thoughts exactly.
    Juggling between my family, job and friends there is almost no time for quality pool. The drive and hunger I use to have doesn’s seem to be the same. Of course I still want the big “W”, but that’s not the same as being hungry. I too, found myself needing a break and have been relaxing since saturday afternoon. That’s sad to say since I Went 2 and out 🙂
    I have decided though that I will come back stronger. I will find that drive and be hungry again. Enough said. I just wanted to say how much i enjoyed your post and that I’ve added it to my favorites.
    Kelly Wong

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